Forgive Me

Yom Kippur is a Jewish Holy Day also known as the “Day of Atonement”, which occurs soon after Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year). There is a lot of ritual and tradition surrounding the occasion, but my bastardized overview concept is about atonement for one’s sins. I once observed a Jewish friend of mine apologizing to various friends for hurt they had caused, to take responsibility for their actions and to move on from that in the new year. Despite not being a practicing Jew myself, I felt it was a good enough tradition to adopt, and try to recognize it every year with a “moment” of repentance.

I have no deity to confess or repent to, nor any arbitrary moral requirements besides those of basic ethics – to not harm others by my actions.

So this is for you. And my sins are those against others. 

Forgive me for not being more attentive when you contact me.
Forgive me for forgetting how important that was to you.
Forgive me for sometimes forgetting.
Forgive me for not spending enough time maintaining our friendship.
Forgive me for not helping build that.
Forgive me for taking more than I give sometimes.
Forgive me for not loving you back.
Forgive me for not believing you.
Forgive me for moving on.
Forgive me for not noticing your personal battles.
Forgive me for writing about how it was at the end.
Forgive me for the awkwardness.
Forgive me for loving your family more than you.
Forgive me for not even letting you know how I felt until you couldn’t fix it.
Forgive me for scaring you away on our first date – that was almost funny.
Forgive me for being jealous of you – I didn’t know how much you didn’t have.
Forgive me for feeling relieved when I learned you were exactly as I suspected.
Forgive me for thinking that’s gross.
Forgive me for not always taking the higher road.
Forgive me for knowing I couldn’t trust you and telling others.
Forgive me for your perception that I took him from you.
Forgive me for wishing you’d disappear forever.
Forgive me for calling it like it is.
Forgive me for telling you I don’t like you like that.
Forgive me for not giving better to you.
Forgive me for feeling insecure.
Forgive me for my contribution to your heartache.
Forgive me for not caring what you thought.
Forgive me for putting my wants above your needs.
Forgive me for walking away.
Forgive me for not being able to handle it.
Forgive me for making you feel badly about it.
Forgive me for being too excited.
Forgive me for killing you by accident.
Forgive me for leaving you so often.
Forgive me for not trying hard enough.
Forgive me for barely ever crying over it anymore.
Forgive me for comparing you to him.
Forgive me for seeking better elsewhere.
Forgive me for taking without giving equal value.
Forgive me for being sarcastic when you needed sincerity.
Forgive me for my inability to see your side sometimes.
Forgive me for mocking you.
Forgive me for not consulting you.
Forgive me for not thinking it was a big deal.
Forgive me for breaking your heart, even though you won’t admit it.
Forgive me for not being sorry for any other reason than it hurt you.
Forgive me for not agreeing on something you seem to think is absolute.
Forgive me for expecting better of you.
Forgive me for assuming you loved me.
Forgive me for it.
Forgive me for thinking I need to teach you something.
Forgive me for being in this deeper than you are.
Forgive me for challenging you when you weren’t ready.
Forgive me for continuing to push your buttons.
Forgive me for not walking away.
Forgive me for not being able to argue with you without crying.
Forgive me for being inconsiderate.
Forgive me for not trusting you.
Forgive me for mixing business with pleasure in Las Vegas.
Forgive me for getting too drunk that night.
Forgive me for trying to convince you you’d enjoy it.
Forgive me for not letting you have everything you wanted.
Forgive me for not visiting more often.
Forgive me for not being too upset that you’ll die someday, probably before me.
Forgive me for being cold to you.
Forgive me for not doing it quite how you expected.
Forgive me for continuing to take nude pictures you won’t be proud of.
Forgive me for sharing that letter with more people than you’ll ever know.
Forgive me for not being ashamed.
Forgive me for getting distracted.
Forgive me for hoping you’ll get hints instead of asking you directly.
Forgive me for loving my birds more than I’ll ever love anybody.
Forgive me for thinking I should be enough.
Forgive me for making you uncomfortable.
Forgive me for dreaming of a little more than you’ve signed up for.
Forgive me for being a know-it-all.
Forgive me for expecting you to know what you want.
Forgive me for being pissed off about your fits of narcissism.
Forgive me for holding things against you.
Forgive me for not calling often enough.
Forgive me for interrupting you again.
Forgive me for embellishing that story.
Forgive me for not being present for that battle for you.
Forgive me for not expressing my love often enough.
Forgive me for doing more talking about writing than actual writing sometimes.
Forgive me for thinking it’s your own fault.
Forgive me when my sympathy ran out.
Forgive me for referring to you as a drama queen.
Forgive me for still not completely forgiving you.
Forgive me for not making time for you.
Forgive me for thinking communicating with you is a chore.
Forgive me for feeling superior.
Forgive me for thinking I know every path this might go.
Forgive me for deciding how things should go.
Forgive me for prioritizing them over you.
Forgive me for not acting how you expect.
Forgive me for mocking you for voicing incorrect assumptions.
Forgive me for being lazy sometimes.
Forgive me for wanting more from you.
Forgive me for not always recognizing when I need to shut up.
Forgive me for not being in your corner.
Forgive me for not thinking it’s that bad.
Forgive me for refusing to get angry.
Forgive me for being too nonchalant.
Forgive me for being a brat.
Forgive me for complaining.
Forgive me for thinking you’re an idiot sometimes.
Forgive me for thinking you need to be knocked down a peg.
Forgive me for going with the flow.
Forgive me for making you watch my birds.
Forgive me when I doubt you when you say you love them.
Forgive me for totally missing that cue.
Forgive me for biting my tongue.
Forgive me for stealing your tradition.
Forgive me for everything I forgot.

Forgive me.

3 thoughts on “Forgive Me”

  1. This was very moving Avens. I would like to use it, with complete accreditation, in some of the classes I teach about the High Holidays. Would that be okay? Lots of love from the other coast. <3

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